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Cretinous numpties at that. I have just had the pleasure of speaking to someone in the billing department of my ex-broadband provider, Pipex UK (oh yes, this is a name and shame post).

The History:

I noticed in May that my direct debit had jumped from £7.98 to £14.99 at which point I jumped on the phone to Pipex and asked why I was being overcharged. I got a very blunt response of “We aint bin’ overchargin’ ya” – well yes you bloody have! Anyway, I was told I would have to put my complaint in writing, which I duly did. Three months later no reply so I sent a barrage of registered mail to both Pipex UK and their new owners TalkTalk…

Whats happening now…

Well Pipex UK has increased their prices to level out the pricing gaps between customers that are joining from TalkTalk and charging a flat rate to all regardless of speeds and limits. I was never informed of this price hike and therefore I am entitled to jump ship without further charges being levied, and because they failed to notify me I get a nice big refund…or so I thought! Like all big companies, they take your money in a flash but woe betide you should you want it back. I have had to fill out numerous forms to get my £52.00 of which I am rightfully owed. Your lesson from reading this…

DO NOT sign up for any services offered by either TALKTALK UK PLC or PIPEX UK LTD as it will only cause you pain and anguish. TalkTalk tried to slam my line, Pipex tried to send bailifs round for a credit on the account…

CRETINOUS NUMPTIES!

These past few days have been eventful, to start with…

A volcano in the middle of Iceland with an impossible to pronounce name, has stirred from it’s centurion slumber only to cause disruption, greif and annoyance to thousands. However, the news is once again doing a sterling job of reporting only those who are directly affected by the shenanigans of one Eyjafjallajoekull. Turning to the wider picture, not only travellers are suffering from the plumes of debris.

Businesses that rely on international visitors are starting to feel the pinch. For example, hotels. Currently my hours have been cut to the bare minimum and staffing levels decreased to a skeleton workforce to save money wherever possible. Without international guests being able to enter UK airspace, the guests numbers plummet, revenue drops and staff face cut backs. But then again this is a bitter-sweet deal as the managerial company are rolling in fully booked London branches of the hotel chain as airlines cough up for hotel rooms for their stranded passengers.

It’s been estimated that this whole volcano issue is costing airlines and travel companies £130million a day in accommodation, food and reimbursements to all those individuals who cant get out of or back into the UK. Although some insurance firms are managing to weedle their way out of claims by stating that a volcanic eruption is an act of God. This brings me to my second point…

As an atheist I do not believe in a higher being, or a God. I do however appreciate all religions and honour their belief systems as long as those beliefs do not involve the persecution of others or the forcing of beliefs onto those who do not seek it. So why should the British tax payer fork up £20million for the Pope to visit the country. Surely the Roman Catholic coffers should cover that. And before I get classed as being anti-Christian, I would have the same views about financing a visit from the Muslim scholar of Islam or a Buddhist Teacher. Religions should not be nationalised, financed or organised by the presiding Government as religions are a personal attribute that should remain personal. Unfortunately the United Kingdom is still associated with the Church of England, and as such all those appearing in court are requested to swear upon the bible. What place does religion have within a legal structure. A Satanic worshipper who is giving a witness account in court will happily swear upon/to the bible as it holds no fears. A devout Christian will most likely swear upon the bible and tell the truth as they are more afraid of being judged by their God than the consequences of their crime. And there it becomes clear, religion should be abolished from public sectors such as court rooms, or at the very least, offer all the sacred books for different believers to swear upon.

Third tonight is an age old debate, sparked by a recen discussion with friends. Should capital punishment be brought back. As this is such a lengthy and diverse topic I will dedicate a whole post to it soon.

For now, thanks for reading.

I was stood on Canterbury West’s London bound platform staring at my train that was a meager 40ft from the station, sat stationary!

In December, the bosses at SouthEastern trains developed a wonderful new timetable accross their network. Originally there was three trains an hour from Canterbury West to Charing Cross, formed of one express train and two stopping services. The newly revised table has axed the express service and a stopping service and replaced it with one Hi-Speed train!

My journey from Canterbury West to Waterloo East would range from 1:30 to 1:50 depending what train I caught, but now it’s just under two hours! I could opt to pay the £4.00 upgrade ontop of my normal extortionate train fare to use the hi-speed service and then be shot through the country side at spectacular speeds only to arrive at St. Pancras… the other side of London. I would then have to spend a further £2.80 (£4.00 without an Oyster Card) to get accross London to make my connection at London Waterloo. Basically I would have to spend an extra £13.60 every week, that’s half my fare! And here is the icing on the cake, my full journey on the normal service takes 2:43 and the journey via hi-speed – 2:43. The underground journey obliterates any time saved by the super fast speedy train as I would still end up catching exactly the same connection at London Waterloo!

I understand that Southeastern has to make their money back on these fast bullet style trains but it’s almost like being forced on one. It’s not just me that feels like this. Thousands of commuters from the south east have been screwed over by the introduction of these carbon monstrosoties. The official line from Southeastern Railways is a glorified, beaurocratic “Tough Shit”.

National Express anyone?

Me! Thats right, I won. I beat the faceless corporation and received my full refund and the difference between the two items AND an extra amount as a gesture of good-will.

It’s taken me 28 days to get through to them and various legal threats, but it’s paid off. The “large mail order company” has finally realised their mistakes!

Hot Dawg!

I am stuck in what seems like a futile battle with ”a large mail order company” after recieving an incorrect item before Christmas. Here’s the time-line of events…

9th December 2009: R2-D2 4 Port USB hub ordered from ”a large mail order company” for a secret santa gift.

16th December 2009: Package arrives from “a large mail order company”, containing a “Male Hunks Strip Mug”.

a few minutes later… telephone call to “a large mail order company”, they’ve made a mistake, still time for it to arrive for Christmas. “Sorry sir, but it’s out of stock”… “are you FUCKING kidding me?!”

That’s it, i’ve lost it and the call centre chap is getting both barrels, it’s not his fault but he didnt have to laugh when I said I got a porno mug instead! It was in stock when I ordered it, it was in stock a few days ago! When asking to speak to a manager at the call centre I was fobbed off with some lame excuse “they’re all busy in a meeting” even though he was able to talk to one of them… funny that!

So basically I’ve lodged a complaint with them and asked them to pay the difference in price between the R2-D2 hub from them and the slightly more expensive version I ordered off eBay, a total compensation value of £3.98 and the cost of calling they’re 0845 call centre, priced at £0.22 making a grand total of £4.19. I sent an email (as I was asked to by the call centre) and then ten days later I got this response…

Thank you for your email.

I apologise that the correct order was not delivered to you on the first instance. Unfortunately as a large mail order business mistakes such as the one you have experienced can occur from time to time and as such we cannot offer compensation. Furthermore we cannot refund any telephone costs as this is an optional service and this issue and return could have been resolved via our help desk section. If you have not received returns instructions for this incorrect item please respond to this email to confirm as such and the needed details will be forwarded to you.

The excuse is basically “because we’re so big and successful we make mistakes!”

I sent a further email to customer care and again the same formulaic response was sent.

Thank you for your email.

I appreciate your views on this issue however as previously stated we can only accept the item back for a refund. Furthermore this issue could have been resolved via your own account by selecting the item you wished to return and did not require a telephone call to ourselves. Unfortunately this is the highest level of customer service available and cannot be escalated higher.

If they had just agreed to refunded me the £4.19 then all would be good, but because of the poor customer service and the fact that I have some “Dream Hunk” penis staring at me from the mug, I feel that more needs to be done, The office of Fair Trading is currently looking into the case and papers have been drawn up for a civil claim in a petty claims court… In the meantime, I want to spread the word that yes, ”a large mail order company” has some unbeatable offers but Lord help you if you get the wrong item…

UPDATE: 30th December 2009

Well I asked for an update on the situation because I hadn’t heard from the “customer service” representative since the last email and this is the response I got…

Thank you for your email.

Unfortunately all information on this issue has been given and as previously stated there is nothing further we can resolve.

Customer service are actually useless! No doubt about it. I hope “a large mail order company” likes receiving civil suit papers…

That time of year is upon us once more and for those of us who work in the hospitality business, it’s the season of working our noses to the bone! We ensure your Christmas parties go off without a hitch, that the DJ plays some festive cheese and that the wine glasses are always brimming. We spend most of December making sure everyone else can let their hair down and giving guests that festive feeling. We may look like we’re embracing the spirit of Christmas, but what we’re really doing is judging your every action, comment and laughing at your terrible drunken dancing, it gives us a good chuckle and then we smile and serve your more intoxicants… tis the season after all…

But working in a customer facing environment I get to see the pitfalls many people fall into and here are my observations;

Remeber the Pecking Order…

Just because your liquored up on mulled wine, sherry and other beverages, there is still a chain of command and although you have always wanted to tell your boss exactly what you think of them, don’t! Alcohol makes our tongues loose and by saying that you wish they would just fornicate themselves with an iron stick sounds good at the time, you’ll regret it in the morning when your P45 lands in your in-tray.

Misletoe…

You’ve always lusted after that office temp and now your both smashed and feeling ‘in the mood’! That cheeky fumble in the corner will satisfy you for the night but you can guarantee that someone spied you getting off and then the rumour mill swings in to full production. You’ll be the hotbed of gossip and then, when you finally make eye contact the next day, that sense of “Oh Crap, what have I done?!” will overwhelm you and you’ll have to cloister yourself in the stationary cupboard. It’s ok, post-it notes are a sustainable diet for the next few days…

Blame it on the Boogie…

Your the next M.J. pulling off the seem-less moon walk, grabbing your crotch like a pro and busting some wicked sick moves… No! You looe, and dance like you’ve just crapped yourself. Go to the bathroom, clean yourself up and then sit down. It’s painful to watch and you just know you’ll end up on you-tube!

Kindness to all men…

We hospitality workers put up with a lot of grief from drunk patrons and we’ll put up with a certain degree of your lip, but don’t push your luck. We can make life difficult for you, we don’t want to but when that big red button gets pushed too many times, you’re asking for fireworks and boy howdy do we put on a fantastic display. Enjoying your evening, tell us, not enjoying your evening, tell us, we can try to make things better for you, annoyed because that hot blonde across the room rejected you, don’t take it out on us. We serve your drinks and food, prepare your room, order your cabs and take care of you, but that can change with one radio call!

Deck the halls with bells and ho-…

A buffoon was singing this merry little tune and at that precise moment, the oesophagus flood gates opened and a torrent of carrots, turkey, Brussels sprouts and roast spuds flowed from the booze hole, followed by an alcohol induced coma. You’ve most likely forked out over £50 for a room and now your spending your night with NHS workers prodding you, inserting pipes in you and extracting fluids from you. Drinking so much that you spew your lovely dinner all over our nicely cleaned carpets isnt the best way to get sympathy and you’ve just wasted a lot of spondoola. No Refunds!

“BIG FLOPPY DONKEY PHALLAS”

I’ve had abuse in all languges thrown down the phone at me, some very witty comments that i’ve given the caller credit for, but repetedly phoning the switchboard and yelling obscenities at the operator is by far, the fastest, and easiest way of getting thrown out…

*Knock Knock* Management, open the door!

Oh, and don’t forget, we have a master key that overrides your door lock! Hello lads…

Wake up call for 3.30am for all rooms but mine…

Don’t try, doesn’t work, wont happen. If anything, we’ll set a reminder call to alert you every five minutes from 03:00 to 10:00.

I hope these observations may help you at your next works bash. Remeber: The staff are there to help you. We like helping your and it’s our job, but be nice. We all human after all and although we shrug off most comments, we will remember your faces for the next time!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

I’m sure many of you will have heard in the news that the government is planning to push through legislation that will give police the option to disconnect a person from the internet using a three-strike systm.

Basically the way it’ll work is as follows;

• Your downloading the latest episode of House from your favourite torrent tracker. Your ISP gets wind of this and there you have it… STRIKE 1 -A nicely printed letter informing you that ‘You have been warned!’
• Ignoring this letter, you download copyrighted music from a dodgy P2P engine. STRIKE 2 – A second letter plops onto your door mat telling you that you have one last chance… or else!
• You think your untouchable, so start downloading Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2. STRIKE 3 – Your broadband account is terminated and your name recieved a black mark, meaning you can’t set up a connection with another provider for a determinate amount of time.

Luckily we belong to the Europeam Union, and therefore as a member state, we are entitled to human rights identified in the European constitution. One of these rights is the right to a fair trial.

Piracy and copyright theft does cost the industry millions of pounds each year and can cause small software houses to pack it in. Unfortunatly the MPAA and RIAA tend to make fools of themselves by pushing through example cases where-by the setlements are extortionate (see RIAA v Tanenbaum).

Surely though in this society of democracy and human rights, we should be entitled to a fair and unbiased trial, judged by our fellow peers of twelve men and women good and true, so the three strikes mechanism of disconnection, we dont recive a trial and we are forced to commence punishment (of being disconnected) before appealing…

If you disagree with this method and approach of the British Government, please sign the petition…

http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/dontdisconnectus/

I have (hopefully) linked my blog with my twitter account so you can all be notified when a new blog post is made, simply by following me on twitter. This is the final test to see if it actually works.

For my Non-UK readers, our postal service is operated through a state owned company, Royal Mail. Now you have this simple understanding I’ll continue…

As many people are aware, the Communications Workers Union has successfully balloted a national strike action for Royal Mail workers. This means our post will be grinding to a halt for a few days… but what is this hoo-har really about?!

To be honest, I’m not sure, the governments not sure and I don’t think the actual workers are too clued up either. The official word is over pay and working conditions, however, the CWU has released the letter they sent to Mark Higson, Managing Director of Royal Mail, and reading it makes for light humour. The CWU offered the following “compromises”…

• • That Royal Mail will reveal their business plan for the whole of the planned transformation programme.  This will create an open environment that will allow Royal Mail and CWU to reach a 3 year agreement aimed at providing long term stability for the business, employees and our customers.
  • That Royal Mail recommit to the key principle which underpinned the 2007 Pay and Modernisation Agreement i.e. that “change will be introduced by agreement”.  This means Royal Mail will unequivocally agree planned 2010 change, including the rollout of new walk sequencing machines.
  • That we agree, in principle, that improved Job Security arrangements and a new benefits package that rewards postal workers for delivering  success for the business will form part of the final agreement.
  • That Royal Mail agrees the principle that budgets should not drive staffing levels and that what constitutes a fair days workload will be based on transparent and agreed standards with the Union.  We should jointly consider utilising independent experts in the field of work measurement to facilitate a resolution to all workload issues.
  • That Royal Mail are prepared to step back from imposed change and resolve all current local disputes by agreement.
  • That Royal Mail agrees to an independent enquiry into the bullying and harassment of postal workers and immediately ceases the use of unagreed HR procedures.
  • That Royal Mail are prepared to jointly approach the Government on the urgent need to find a resolution to pensions and regulatory issues.
  • That the national parties clear our diaries to allow for an intense period of negotiations to resolve all outstanding issues and conclude a comprehensive national agreement.

In this time of economic instability, the CWU have put their union members at risk – it’s career suicide. No company will reveal fully potential job losses, it’s just something that we have to live with. If you do a good job and you strive for excellence then you shouldn’t worry. I work in the Hotel industry, one of the most unstable job markets around at the moment. Staff turnover is high, pay is low and there’s always the chance your job will be axed if you don’t perform!

The postal market is saturated with other postal carriers; DHL, HDNL, CityLink, Fedex, POD – just to name a few, and to be perfectly honest, they are so much more efficient and better at deliveries than Royal Mail and their own courrier service, Parcel Force!

So my word to all the CWU representatives, I support your right to picket and strike but, enjoy while you can because I have a feeling you’ll be out on your arses soon enough!

Here is the letter from the CWU to Royal Mail’s big boss: http://is.gd/4uODD