‘Tis the Season…
That time of year is upon us once more and for those of us who work in the hospitality business, it’s the season of working our noses to the bone! We ensure your Christmas parties go off without a hitch, that the DJ plays some festive cheese and that the wine glasses are always brimming. We spend most of December making sure everyone else can let their hair down and giving guests that festive feeling. We may look like we’re embracing the spirit of Christmas, but what we’re really doing is judging your every action, comment and laughing at your terrible drunken dancing, it gives us a good chuckle and then we smile and serve your more intoxicants… tis the season after all…
But working in a customer facing environment I get to see the pitfalls many people fall into and here are my observations;
Remeber the Pecking Order…
Just because your liquored up on mulled wine, sherry and other beverages, there is still a chain of command and although you have always wanted to tell your boss exactly what you think of them, don’t! Alcohol makes our tongues loose and by saying that you wish they would just fornicate themselves with an iron stick sounds good at the time, you’ll regret it in the morning when your P45 lands in your in-tray.
Misletoe…
You’ve always lusted after that office temp and now your both smashed and feeling ‘in the mood’! That cheeky fumble in the corner will satisfy you for the night but you can guarantee that someone spied you getting off and then the rumour mill swings in to full production. You’ll be the hotbed of gossip and then, when you finally make eye contact the next day, that sense of “Oh Crap, what have I done?!” will overwhelm you and you’ll have to cloister yourself in the stationary cupboard. It’s ok, post-it notes are a sustainable diet for the next few days…
Blame it on the Boogie…
Your the next M.J. pulling off the seem-less moon walk, grabbing your crotch like a pro and busting some wicked sick moves… No! You looe, and dance like you’ve just crapped yourself. Go to the bathroom, clean yourself up and then sit down. It’s painful to watch and you just know you’ll end up on you-tube!
Kindness to all men…
We hospitality workers put up with a lot of grief from drunk patrons and we’ll put up with a certain degree of your lip, but don’t push your luck. We can make life difficult for you, we don’t want to but when that big red button gets pushed too many times, you’re asking for fireworks and boy howdy do we put on a fantastic display. Enjoying your evening, tell us, not enjoying your evening, tell us, we can try to make things better for you, annoyed because that hot blonde across the room rejected you, don’t take it out on us. We serve your drinks and food, prepare your room, order your cabs and take care of you, but that can change with one radio call!
Deck the halls with bells and ho-…
A buffoon was singing this merry little tune and at that precise moment, the oesophagus flood gates opened and a torrent of carrots, turkey, Brussels sprouts and roast spuds flowed from the booze hole, followed by an alcohol induced coma. You’ve most likely forked out over £50 for a room and now your spending your night with NHS workers prodding you, inserting pipes in you and extracting fluids from you. Drinking so much that you spew your lovely dinner all over our nicely cleaned carpets isnt the best way to get sympathy and you’ve just wasted a lot of spondoola. No Refunds!
“BIG FLOPPY DONKEY PHALLAS”
I’ve had abuse in all languges thrown down the phone at me, some very witty comments that i’ve given the caller credit for, but repetedly phoning the switchboard and yelling obscenities at the operator is by far, the fastest, and easiest way of getting thrown out…
*Knock Knock* Management, open the door!
Oh, and don’t forget, we have a master key that overrides your door lock! Hello lads…
Wake up call for 3.30am for all rooms but mine…
Don’t try, doesn’t work, wont happen. If anything, we’ll set a reminder call to alert you every five minutes from 03:00 to 10:00.
I hope these observations may help you at your next works bash. Remeber: The staff are there to help you. We like helping your and it’s our job, but be nice. We all human after all and although we shrug off most comments, we will remember your faces for the next time!
Merry Christmas Everyone!
